The perfect family. A husband and wife happily married, several very cute kids. Doing tons of Christian ministry as a couple and as a family. Good job, big house, nice neighborhood. Blessed in every way. Everything looks great. People would shake their heads, wondering how we had the life that we had...
Many years ago, as a young man just out of college, I hit bottom. I was miserable. I had been deeply hurt in a relationship. I was full of anger. I was depressed, and my relationship with God was basically nonexistent. I was... a mess.
Living a life with everything going your way is not too bad. Being happy, finding favor with God and man, being looked up to, feeling like you are making a difference is all very nice. It is great to be feeling in control of your life and your destiny. Until it all changes. Until God messes up you up.
Hello, my name is Keith, and I am a mess.
They say that the first step to recovery is admitting where you are at. I admit it. I am a mess. No longer does it feel like I have everything going for me. In fact, in about every way, things are not going well. Major health issues for Karen and I, financial struggles, family issues, strain on the marriage, ministry opportunities have stopped, ministry future and direction is unclear, stress and anger have dramatically risen, and almost all of our friends are gone. A mess.
As a twenty-two year old young man, I saw that my life was a mess. I realized that I couldn't fix it. I realized that only God could help. And He did.
As a forty-one year old young man, I see that my life is a mess. I can't fix it. I have given up trying. I know that only God can help. And He is. In the midst of the mess, I continually see His fingerprints. I see how He is changing us. I see how this will affect us for the rest of our lives. I know that my family has changed more in the last three years than probably the combined ten years before that.
As Karen and I began to become a mess, our relationships with others began to change. All of a sudden, people began to share how they were a mess too. Before that, either they hid it, or we were too busy to notice. We began to be able to relate. We began to be able to share our pains, our struggles, and our frustrations. We began to become real. In fact, one person said, "I like you better now that you are a mess." Sometimes I wonder, is everyone a mess? Do some just hide it better than others? We began to be able to relate to people in a different way, not as a "Christian leader", but as another fellow human, trying to get through life the best that they can.
Are we ready to admit that we are a mess? Do we truly come to the end of our abilities, and allow God to change us? Is our hope that we can pull ourselves into a "nicer" season of life, or are we embracing God in the midst of our mess?
Hello, my name is ________, and I am a mess.
hello keith...my name is charis and i'm a mess too. it's really ridiculous how i (and others) try so hard to maintain the best outward appearance when in reality all that does is create distance. through the chaos of our lives, being real with God and the people around us brings such a depth that is impossible to get any other way. let me know if there is anything specific i can pray about. love you!
ReplyDeleteHi Keith, my name is Randy and I'm not a mess... that is as long as no one else is living on the planet with me. Unfortunately loneliness is not a as desirable as being a mess. So messy as it is, it is so cool to have a relationship with someone who will never leave me or forsake me, and will complete the good work He as begun in me.
ReplyDeleteHi Charis, it is so true that we try to put up a nice front. However, it is refreshing to be real and vulnerable. It feels nice to let the guards down and not have to impress. Thanks for your encouragement; as for prayer, just in general that we make it through this season! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Randy, long time no talk to! Hope you are doing well. It is true that it may be a slight bit easier if we were the only ones in the world, but I think even then we might still be a mess... :-) And yes, I am glad that God is with us thru it all - especially when probably most of the time He is the one who brings about the "mess" in the first place. :-)