Saturday, November 12, 2011

Hands


Slowly the pit draws me into itself
Down I go, swallowed alive.
Extending my hand for all to see
I attempt to grasp at life.
Through the muck spattered across my face
I glimpse a sea of hands.
The hands are also reaching out
Trying to grab at anything.

Finally, I am able to get ahold of another hand
Now I will be pulled up from the pit!
But the hand is weak, wimpy, and weary
Without strength to pull me up.

I connect with another hand
Surely my deliverance is nigh.
The hand begins to pull
Hope begins to well within me.
I suddenly realize that the hand is pulling me down
Down further than I am.

Releasing that hand I find another
This one from higher up.
This must be someone to rescue me
They squeeze me tight in their grip.
Ah, finally I will be saved
I tense my muscles as I rejoice at help.
But the hand suddenly relaxes,
Merely a shake of my hand and then it is gone.

Where is my help?
Where is my deliverer?

I see another hand reaching through the mist
This one looks different from the rest.
I can see this is a strong hand
Muscles built through years of hard work.
I look again at the hand
I see a large scar in its palm.
My Savior, my Deliverer!
The one who will rescue me!
Alas, He touches my hand
Pats me on the shoulder and is gone.

I continue to extend my hand.
The sea of hands continue to extend to those around it.
We continue to sink
Down, down, down in the pit.
By Keith Koerner, 2011

Yes, that poem seems a bit depressing.  But it also conveys observations of life.  Life isn't always pretty, and at times it can be depressing.  I've observed how people reach out their hands to me, and how I've reached out my hands to others.  I've seen how those who are hurting draw back, and few reach out their hands to help.  I've, shamefully, done it many times myself.  Why, when seeing someone hurting, do we pull back ourselves?  Do we not want to get our hands dirty?  Do we have enough problems of our own?  Do we simply put out a weak effort to appease our conscience?

So many are hurting.  So many are reaching out their hands, looking for help, looking for someone to pull them from the pit.  Will you be the one to truly grab hold and pull someone to safety?

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Do you know what's good for you?

There is nothing like a nice summer day to lay in a comfortable lawn chair while reading a book.  During the winter, there is nothing like the fake electric fireplace giving off its warmth and glow while being enraptured in a book.  There is nothing like a book that can challenge a person, provide entertainment, stir the imagination, and educate all at the same time.

I admit it.  I love to read. My mom says that I was reading at the age of three, and at three and-a-half, I read the Christmas story.  As a child, every two weeks we went to the library, and I would read at least a book a day.  No, I was not the child who always had his nose in a book... only part of the time. :)  I was very much into sports, bike/motorcycle riding, exploring the countryside, a honor student, and very involved in church events.  But even with all of those activities, I always found time to read.

Reading is good for the mind.  For my children, I've tried to instill in them the desire to read.  Those who read well will also write, spell, communicate, and understand at a higher level.  I believe that if you become a strong reader, you will be stronger in all school subjects.  For adults, it will make you a more rounded person, giving you an deeper understanding of a larger world.

Reading is good for the spirit.  I completed my first Through-the-Bible-In-A-Year plan when I was around eight and since then have read the Bible through several more times in my life.  I believe God gave us His written word for a reason.  We can then go back over it again and again, learning new things. I've also read many other Christian books throughout the years, looking and learning how to live out this life.  Our spirits need food, and one way to feed them is through spiritual books.

Reading is good for learning.  It is oftentimes said that those who have not learned from history are doomed to repeat it.  Whether that is historical books, the Bible, or even historical fiction, those books help us to understand life situations, choices, and how to overcome obstacles and avoid the mistakes of those past societies.  We all may have certain historical interests.  Mine happens to be the Civil War era and the life of Abraham Lincoln.  I've read many books on those subjects.  I'm not entirely sure why, but I believe God put those interests there for a reason: for me to learn.  We can not only learn about history, but about practically any subject that interests us.

Reading is good for the soul.  Our society is so busy.  We are so easily distracted.  We get caught up in technology entrapments far too easily.  We are on the go, always wanting to do something.  Reading calms us.  It allows us to disengage from the hectic-ness of life.  We can then become lost in the world of the book; we can allow ourselves to learn. We can just be quiet.  With my family, we go to the library every few weeks.  One of my favorite times is right after coming home from the library.  All of the kids are excited about their new books and immediately disperse to various corners of the house.  We are not all together, but all together we are reading.  And all is quiet.

Yes, this blog may seem quite different from the "heavy" subjects that I've been touching upon.  But it might make as much difference in the long run if we all become avid readers.  Learning is not the highest goal, but God created us with the ability to learn.  Continual learning helps us to understand our past, to understand God better, and keep our minds & spirits alive and active.

For those of you with electronic readers, whether that is a smartphone, iPad, Nook, or Kindle, I have a few links for free books!  I'm assuming the publishers like to give some away so that you come back for more.  :)  Over the past six months, I've downloaded at least 100 books from these three links.
Of course there are always books you can buy, which I encourage you to do.  For anyone who writes, or desires to write, they know that it is a huge amount of work to publish a book.  Buying books help support those writers, who then (hopefully) will write more books!

And finally, there is nothing like the feel of an physical printed book.  E-readers are great, but bookshelves filled with books are even better.  :)

Do you enjoy reading?  If you do, I'd love to hear your reading interests.  If you don't enjoy reading, I encourage you to start today!

Keith

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Burnout and Balance

He was extremely involved in church.  He led a men's group, taught Sunday School, was an usher, mentored young men, led a young married men's group, volunteered for church work days, and seemed to always be at the church building.  He was one of the "go to guys" if you ever wanted help. He was friendly, was a mentor to me, and had a great family.

Then he he hit the wall.  He had a burnout.  I watched him.  He literally looked like a shell of a man.  The sparkle in his eye was gone.  The joy disappeared.  His faced looked long and sad.  At times, he acted like a zombie.  His family went through very difficult times.  He was burnt out.  I don't know if he ever recovered...

I was perhaps 27 years old at the time.  I observed what happened to him.  I vowed to never let that happen to me.

I grew up in what I would consider a workaholic family.  Many of my family was/is very driven.  I became driven concerning Christian ministry. While I never understood how someone could work for 70-80 hours a week, I began to spend very large amounts of time "doing church." I followed in my mentor's footsteps.

Within a few months of Karen and I getting married, we began teaching Sunday School for large groups of junior highers.  We began helping more with young people.  Having one then two children didn't slow us down.  When the renewal/revival wave hit, it became even more pronounced. We often spent several nights a week in church services. We started going to conferences.  Go. Go. Go.

There reached a point where we were spending about five nights a week on church-related activities. During this time we never took a vacation of more than two days.  In fact, we went about 10 years without a real vacation.  We went to church conferences instead.

Then we decided to start our own ministry/business.  We worked even harder, not stopping any of the other things, but adding this on top of all the rest of our activities.  My day job began to suffer.  I got very little sleep.  I couldn't focus.  I was burning out.  I talked with my boss, and took one month off work.  I was in bad shape.  I was supposed to rest and recover.  Instead, I spent almost 200 hours that month (more than I would have worked at my job) doing stuff for our new "ministry".  It was all a waste.  I was even more stressed out, the ministry project was a failure, and I was not rested.

It took me a while to return to full speed in my job.  My time with my family greatly suffered because I was too busy.  And it was all in the name of "Christianity".

A few years went by, and God said it was time to stop our ministry.  It was very hard to do, because I was driven.  But I was burnt out in ministry.  The strength was not there. 

A few weeks later, Karen and I went to Hawaii.  We will never be the same.  Eight days in paradise.  A few months later, our entire family went on a month-long trip around the United States.  It was a huge vacation.  Something we absolutely loved.  We will never be the same.

Two years have gone by.  I am not nearly as driven as I was.  But it has been a very slow process.  I spend much more time with my family.  We were caught in a rat-race of ministry.  Now we are healing up from the burnout. I am starting to get some balance in my life.

Yes, we had accomplished much.  Yes, we were wholly devoted to God.  Yes, we loved what we were doing.  But the balance was not there.  The balance of ministry with family.  The balance of relaxation with the going.  The balance of refreshing versus giving.  The balance between real friendships versus ministry relationships.

My friend became a shell of a person.  I don't ever want to become that.  We all need balance in our lives.  We need to be able to say no to things when we get too busy.  We need to know that our family is more important than ministry.  We need to chill out and enjoy life. We need to be able to relate to others on a personal level instead of a ministry level.

Are you on the road to burnout?  Have things gotten out of balance in your life?  It may not be too late.  Take it from me, burnout is a horrible thing.  Recovery is not quick.  I encourage you to take steps now to avoid burnout. 

Keith

Friday, June 3, 2011

Hello, my name is Keith, and I am a...

The perfect family.  A husband and wife happily married, several very cute kids. Doing tons of Christian ministry as a couple and as a family.  Good job, big house, nice neighborhood. Blessed in every way. Everything looks great.  People would shake their heads, wondering how we had the life that we had...

Many years ago, as a young man just out of college, I hit bottom.  I was miserable.  I had been deeply hurt in a relationship. I was full of anger.  I was depressed, and my relationship with God was basically nonexistent. I was... a mess.

Living a life with everything going your way is not too bad.  Being happy, finding favor with God and man, being looked up to, feeling like you are making a difference is all very nice.  It is great to be feeling in control of your life and your destiny.  Until it all changes.  Until God messes up you up.

Hello, my name is Keith, and I am a mess.

They say that the first step to recovery is admitting where you are at.  I admit it.  I am a mess.  No longer does it feel like I have everything going for me.  In fact, in about every way, things are not going well.  Major health issues for Karen and I, financial struggles, family issues, strain on the marriage, ministry opportunities have stopped, ministry future and direction is unclear, stress and anger have dramatically risen, and almost all of our friends are gone.  A mess.

As a twenty-two year old young man, I saw that my life was a mess.  I realized that I couldn't fix it.  I realized that only God could help.  And He did.

As a forty-one year old young man, I see that my life is a mess.  I can't fix it.  I have given up trying.  I know that only God can help.  And He is.  In the midst of the mess, I continually see His fingerprints.  I see how He is changing us.  I see how this will affect us for the rest of our lives. I know that my family has changed more in the last three years than probably the combined ten years before that.

As Karen and I began to become a mess, our relationships with others began to change. All of a sudden, people began to share how they were a mess too. Before that, either they hid it, or we were too busy to notice. We began to be able to relate.  We began to be able to share our pains, our struggles, and our frustrations.  We began to become real.  In fact, one person said, "I like you better now that you are a mess." Sometimes I wonder, is everyone a mess?  Do some just hide it better than others? We began to be able to relate to people in a different way, not as a "Christian leader", but as another fellow human, trying to get through life the best that they can.

Are we ready to admit that we are a mess? Do we truly come to the end of our abilities, and allow God to change us? Is our hope that we can pull ourselves into a "nicer" season of life, or are we embracing God in the midst of our mess?

Hello, my name is ________, and I am a mess.

Friday, May 27, 2011

The Starting Point

Life is real.  Sometimes it involves disappointments, other times it involves happiness.  At times, we wonder how we survive some of the painful experiences.  Occasionally, we are all smiles. Each of those events and seasons shape us; they make us into the people we are today. Through it all, we learn and grow.  God shapes us.  We become different.  Perhaps we begin to understand each other a bit more.

I decided to start this blog for a few reasons.  Forming my thoughts into words may help me sort out the confusions and events of life.  Writing out some of my thoughts and experiences may be of help to someone else.

I hope that as we journey through life together, we can encourage each other, and in the process become people who are being real...

Keith