The Man in the Mirror

I raise my head and gaze forward

Looking
A reflection
Who is that?
Almost unrecognizable
Where did he come from?
Why is he looking back at me?

I move my head to the left
He moves with me
I move to the right
He shadows my every move

It is me
But I do not recognize him
Seldom do I look in the mirror
Somewhere, sometime, I have changed
I look different

I move closer to the mirror
Staring
I see a large scar
Across my cheek it stretches
Ugly, noticeable, unhidden
No makeup would cover it

Where did it come from?
What caused it?
Does it matter?

I see the lines across my forehead
Aging?
No, those are from challenging situations
The marks of stress
The marks of concern
Prayers of anguish

The face is haunting me
I see the changes
He looks older
Not wiser, just older
Weather-beaten

The carefree look is gone
More seasoned
More experienced
More reserved

Who is he?
What has happened to me?
Is this really me?

Bruises
The marks of brutal fights
Obviously not the winner
What were those fights?
Did anyone help him in the end?

Nose looks broken
Slightly bent to the right
Something significant happened
Even with healing, it will still show
Show the markings of the past

Intently I stare into his eyes
Seeing so much
The look of pain
The recognition of sorrow
The flinch of reaction to rejection
The trepidation that comes with misunderstandings
The light of hope faded

Empty
Vacant

Wait
There is something else
This face that looks gruesome
This man in the mirror
Somehow he looks vaguely familiar
Not like me, but like someone else

Who am I seeing?
Someone else
A faint resemblance

The One who suffered
Nothing attractive about Him
One who knew pain firsthand
Not given a second glance

Ever so faintly
I can see
We looked down on Him
Thought He was scum

He carried our pains
All the things wrong with us
Disfigured
Scarred
Broken
The plan all along
Crushed in order to give life

My brother
Whom I call Lord
A glimpse
I can see Him
Ever so faintly

Sorrows
Pain
Rejection
Loss
Despised by man
Betrayed
He bore it all

The man in the mirror
It is me
Yet I see someone else
A faint family resemblance
Ever so faint
But it is there
A few of the same lines as I see upon my Brother
I see in me a glimpse of the Father.

~ Keith Koerner, April 17, 2013

The Process

Stress and anxiety

Reoccurring medical issues

Heart racing, pain, inflammation

No ability to even do household responsibilities

Get in the hot tub, she says

The night air is cool

No wind, stillness

Not too hot, not too cold

Just right

I sink into my favorite spot

A deep seat with ten jets on my back and shoulders 

My foot finds the small water circulation jet

My arms float out to the sides
Hands being massaged by the neighboring jets

I begin to relax

I reach to the side to grab the bottle

The occasional Bud Light is just right 

The cold smooth liquid streams down my throat

I gaze at the sky

Clear with billions of stars

Beginning to find peace

Only the sound of the jets churning the water

A small plane crosses the horizon 

Its light flashing across the sky

A small dot amongst billions of dots

I am that dot

Just another dot

But I am unique

I do make a difference 

The skyline wouldn't be the same

I have value

Another sip

More difficult to see high into the sky 

The eyelids droop

No matter

It is peace

I have value

I do not need to see

The jets turn off automatically after a time

I move to the foot massage chair

Thirty micro jets pounding upon my feet

Working the nerve endings

The pulsating release brings relaxation to the entire body

The eyelids are heavy

I am here

I see differently

Does it matter?

Am I awake?

The plane is gone

I am here

Semi conscious 

I am praying

Or just being

The control

The anxiety 

The wishing things were different

Does it matter?

Can I change things?

I cannot

I just am

I am in part of the journey through life

The Process

Why must I try to dictate that life?

Why do I try to write my own story?

Am I the author?

My arms float to the side 

Asleep yet awake

The mind has shut down and I just am

No need to control

No need to plan

No need to stress

Just be

The head droops 

I am awake 

I am staring at the water

I look up 

Billions of stars

I am one

The vast canvas of The Incredible Artist

The beer is all gone

The stress is all gone

The anxiety is all gone

The head droops

Why can't I remain like this?

The jets stop

All is quiet to the ears

My spirit continues to hear the Sounds of Life

I choose to turn the jets back on for more pounding of my feet

I choose to bask on this place a bit longer

Twenty minutes longer

Why do I rush away?

What is my hurry?

It is in The Secret Place that I find peace 

Will I find it elsewhere?

Why do I so easily forget?

Am I so dull?

Right now I am not dull

I am being refreshed

I am alive

A dot is flashing across the sky

I can see

Others can see

I am part of the display of His Glory

The glory that covers the earth

My head droops

Semi conscious 

I give myself up

I must decrease

He must increase

I am at peace 

Now I can rest

Now I embrace The Process