Several weeks ago, I decided to do a little experiment and - without announcing it - I just stayed off of Facebook for one month. I only logged on Facebook if someone InBoxed (messaged) me. After the month was up, I have now been back on Facebook for three weeks.
I learned a few interesting things about myself. I learned a few things about how my interactions with people have changed. I learned a few things that frankly bother me.
This is not meant to be judgmental. The name of my blog is "Being Real", and I purposefully try to be that. It may be blunt. It may seem harsh. It may seem judgmental... because it probably is. I'm judgmental just like everyone else. Ha: that is a judgment right there! Anyway, I digress.
The following are things I discovered. They may or may not be true for you.
Communication has changed
I realized how I, in pre-Facebook days, used to communicate with people: it was in person, on the phone, via email, or texts. Those methods of communication were primarily with an individual. One on one, or a small group. Facebook subtly changes that. If I want to talk with someone for the sake of talking, I just "throw out" a post and see who bites. That is the person I may chat with. I know it is not just on my side of relationships. During this month off, I noticed I received very few text messages, no emails, only a couple of phone calls. I still saw the people I usually see in person the same as before. Only one person asked me why I was so quiet/wasn't on Facebook.
The effort of friendships has deteriorated
There seems to be a connection made through Facebook that appears to connect people, but is false. If I read someone's post or see a picture, I have this "connection" to them. That is whether or not I "like" or comment on their post. I feel connected to them. Why? Just because they put something out there? How is that any different from noticing what a stranger is wearing or eating or talking about? A false connection keeps me in "friendship" with that person. How often do I purposefully connect with one person on Facebook? Not just a post, but something real? And not just because it is their birthday? Individual conversation and friendships take time and effort. A generic post to my own wall is not putting any effort into a friendship.
Out of sight, out of mind
This is a two-way street. If I read someone's post, I may think about them, pray for them, comment/like, or otherwise communicate with them. When not on Facebook, since many people's names/comments/issues are not in front of my face, I honestly may not be thinking of them. It goes the other way too. Right before taking the month off, I was very, very sick and asked for prayer. Yet a month later, only a couple of people (whom I haven't interacted with outside of Facebook) asked how I'm doing. I was just as bad: I know there were others going through some major things, and I think I only kept in contact with one person to see how they were doing. Posting on Facebook, whether humerous, informative, or complainy, is making yourself visible to others.
Addiction
The reason I took a month off was because I was addicted to Facebook. I usually don't have the time at night to spend an hour on Facebook scrolling through my news feed and coming up with my own posts. So I'd grab my iPhone and look quickly throughout the day. I probably looked at Facebook 10 times a day. That way I didn't have to scroll through huge amounts of content. But that was addicting. I noticed that those few minutes between activities, I'd grab my phone. Instead of a conversation with my wife or kids, I "had" to catch up on Facebook. I consciously or unconsciously thought of some event or photo that'd be good to share with Facebook-land instead of focusing on the event itself. It was like I was bypassing the journey so that I could share about the journey. I realized I was spending too much time on the iPhone, and not enough with my family. Once I gave it up, I had two conflicting feelings. One feeling was to just replace Facebook with something else; still picking up the phone and playing a game or reading something, or changing the screen wallpaper: important things. That removed me from Facebook, but didn't help my phone addiction. The other reaction was to just put the phone away. This was much better. I was able to focus much better on what was going on around me. I was able to actually converse instead of just grunt. Not that there is anything wrong with grunting. It also was strange and sad how many times I was tempted to pick up the phone. It was embarrassing when I got a Facebook InBox message and was very tempted to just peek at the News Feed. But after a while, it felt nice to not be so tied to the phone.
Missing people
I realized that most, if not all, of my interaction with most of my Facebook "friends" is actually through Facebook. Without being on Facebook, this meant no interaction with these "friends". I never contacted them and they never contacted me. I wonder if it had been a year instead of a month. Would we have made contact with each other? But I honestly did miss many people and did wonder what was going on in their lives or how they were doing. I just didn't make the effort to find out. Sad.
Shallow
It highlighted again how shallow our relationships can be. If it is all about sharing memes, inspirational quotes, recipes, and selfies, how beneficial is that relationship? It reminds me again of how we really have a few circles of friends: close, casual, and shallow. Facebook, for the most part, keeps the interaction at the shallow end of the spectrum. For closer relationships, different forms of contact need to happen.
Misunderstandings
I realize that with all forms of communication, misunderstandings abound. But Facebook, to me, seems to just highlight it. Someone is dead serious about an issue, concern or need and at least one person seems to always give a flippant/rude/inconsiderate response. It just is not an ideal place for something serious. Someone posts about a topic, and people hijack the conversation and make it into something completely different. You can even use Facebook to portray yourself with a certain persona: purposefully attempting to project an image of your life that may or may not be what you are really about. The inverse of that is that you can become, in people's minds, what you post on Facebook. That can cause misunderstanding of who and what you really are. Facebook seems like it is primarily a medium for entertainment, chit-chat, or self-exhaltation. Yes, that sounds strong, but really how many truly life-changing experiences have happened via Facebook? Its like the status quo is to keep it light, ignore the hurt, make a joke, promote yourself. That causes all kinds of misunderstandings. Real communication begs for something deeper.
Conclusion
Taking the month off of Facebook really opened my eyes to where I was at. It also reminded me again of the difficulties and challenges of relationships. In general, people aren't the greatest at relationships. Facebook, it seems, makes that even more difficult. Frankly, this time off has taken a lot of the appeal of Facebook away from me. It now feels much more empty of substance. I hope my addiction has been broken and I hope that I can take something away from these lessons and actually make changes in my life. I hope that my time will be spent a little more wisely. I hope that I will value and work harder at my friendships.
Thoughts? Comments? Looking for the de-friend button? :)
