Believe you can fly.

I sit in the quiet house.  Alone.  Yesterday a home overflowing with family members. Laughter.  Hugs. Stories. Friendship. Support.

A few days ago, a home filled with the vitality and love of my mother.

Alone.  Eeriely silent.  I sit waiting for the dryer to finish a load of bedding.

So many memories. So much love. Now all is quiet.  I reflect.

Over the past several days, there has been much to do. Removing valuables from the home.  Contacting family and friends. Preparations for the memorial service. Estate issues to be addressed.  Busy.  Little time for it to sink in.

I sit. I prefer to not be alone. I start to rise to go in and talk with her in the other room.  Wait. She no longer is on this side of the veil. Rarely too busy to talk - now she is no longer here.

Too quiet. I feel the heaviness of the moment descend upon me. Sadness. I feel the tears at the edge of the eyes.  

I will run. Not away from the pain. Through it. In the midst of it. Not avoiding the hurt; embracing it.

I leave the house - this home - and drive to my home. I put on my running attire and shoes. Prepared for a long run. Prepared to push through another challenge.

My mind flashes back to The Day.  In the final hours of her life, she was sleeping and I needed a break. I chose to run. To clear my head. I knew the end was near, but not this near.  With two minutes remaining in my run I get a call. I ignore it. Moments later another call. I knew. The Call.

Running and the passing of my mom will now be connected. But not in a negative way. Always believing. Always encouraging us to press on. Always seeing in us something beyond what we are currently achieving.

I arrive at my favorite running location. Lately I've been running without music.  Today I bring my earbuds and connect them to my iPhone.  Ready to run. Ready to endure. Ready to overcome. Ready to calm the whirling thoughts.

Today I choose the greatest hits album from the band Creed. As I begin to run, the songs pound through my head. Partially thinking about my mom, about life, about running, about putting one foot in front of the next - literally and figuratively. Running. Praying. Thinking. Breathing.

"Are you ready? Are you ready? 
For whats to come...Oh I said Are you ready? 
Are you ready? For whats to come

Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one 
Count down to the change in life that's soon to come"

I hear the lyrics and they startle me. She knew.  She told each of us kids. It was time. She had finished the race. Twice she told me, "I am at perfect peace. I am not scared. I am at peace." She was ready. Everything made right. Her concern was not for herself but for family, for others. A change in life that came.

I think, "Are you ready?" Am I ready? Do I have unfullfilled destiny? Am I at complete peace with God and with others? I run. I have more to do. I have a long way to go. I have not reached the end. I will press through the difficulties that attempt to stop me.

"Can you take me Higher?
To a place where blind men see 
Can you take me Higher? 
To a place with golden streets"

She was called home. To a higher place. Our existance on Earth is but a mere moment in the vastness of eternity. A place of pure love. A place of joy. A place of reunion with my dad and others gone on before. She was there. Higher.

"With arms wide open
Under the sunlight 
Welcome to this place 
I'll show you everything 
With arms wide open 
Now everything has changed 
I'll show you love 
I'll show you everything 
With arms wide open 
With arms wide open 
I'll show you everything ...oh yeah
With arms wide open..wide open" 

A place of unveiled relationship with the Creator. A personal tour by the great I AM. I can see the joy on both of their faces. With arms wide open, the Eternal One welcomes her into eternity. Mile after mile I run. Gathering meaning in the midst of challenges. My challenges. I resonate with the lyrics:

"At times life's unfair and you know it's plain to see
Hey God I know I'm just a dot in this world
Have you forgot about me?
Whatever life brings
I've been through everything
And now I'm on my knees again

But I know I must go on
Although I hurt I must be strong
Because inside I know that many feel this way"

The voice begins to change. Through my pain I begin to see her singing to us. 

"Children don't stop dancing

Believe you can fly
Away...away"

Always a believer in her children. Believing we could fly. Believing we were the best at whatever we did. I continue to run. Further. Further than I've ever ran. A year ago, I never dreamed I could run this far. I did not have the physical or mental strength. But now I press on. Undiscovered strength is unleashed. Children, we can fly. We cannot be held back. Tears form in my eyes. Let it out. Let the spirit soar. Let hope be restored. See greatness.

"The day reminds me of you
The night hides your truth
The earth is a voice
Speaking to you
Take all this pride
And leave it behind
cuz' one day it ends
One day we die
Believe what you will
That is your right
But I choose to win
I choose to fight...
To fight"

Life brings its sufferings and pain. Beaten down. Tired. Discouraged. But in the end, it is what we make of those adversities that shapes us. I choose to win. I choose to fight. I run on. A lightness coming to my spirit. A little over ten miles. Not nearly as hard as I thought it would be. I choose to fight through. My furtherest run yet. But I won't stop dancing. I won't stop running. I believe I can fly. I believe I can go further. On this trail. On this trail of life. I won't stop dancing. I choose to fight.

She is welcomed with arms wide open. We remain. Are we ready? Will we fight? Will we join her someday on the other side? Believe. Believe you can fly.